the plan was...that the Man and I were going to take down the doors and threshold...bust up and get rid of the blue slate...sand the plywood underlayment...level it with leveling compound and at least get the travertine tiles laid out and marked to be cut...
...I was really really hoping to get at least that much of that big project done...and then in the afternoon Scout had a concert to attend...
...just saying...that was the plan...
...but in the immortal words of Burns' "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." ...(if you've never read it you really should - and the wikipedia: To a Mouse has the original Scots and a standard English version right beside it...love that)...
...anywhoo...I digress...considerably...
...on Saturday morning I was up early...not to start the job at hand...but because I had one of those...ahem...little 'bugs'...where you are relieved of the entire contents of your stomach...really...every few minutes...so...I was so relieved about 5:30...again...about 6:30...and again about 8:30...you get the idea...well...I thought these things run their course...usually in about 10-12 hours...so maybe...just maybe...Scout can still make his concert...you see...I'd already given up all hope of the foyer project...but wait...it gets worse...much...much worse...
...so I continue to lay there in bed...miserably sipping tea...and trying to swallow a few spoonfuls of applesauce and bites of banana...useless you know during these first few hours...but better to have something to be relieved of than not...if you know what I mean...
...as the day wore on...it's now afternoon...and the Man...had to do some pastor-ly things...so he's on the phone arranging to help someone...and he comes to tell me that he'll be over at the Church for a little bit...I assure him that I'll be alright...but it is kinda strange that my hands are tingling and I can't really feel them...but I'm OK...just sick...you know...so he calls Scout to come and sit with me...which he cheerfully does...he's reading The Dead and the Gone now...and sitting in my one enormous chair...
...and I'm thinking I know exactly what that guy in Pink Floyd was talking about when he said
"When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again."...because they really did feel like that...sort of floaty...but I don't have a fever...
...and then my hands do the weirdest thing...they start to curl up...seriously...just cramping and turning in on themselves in some weird deformed way...if you touch them I can't feel it because of the tingling...but the cramping part is quite painful...OK...weird...I think...and my feet and toes are cramping and turning in weirdly too...over the next few minutes the tingling and cramping continues to get worse...my ears start ringing...so finally...I'm mindful enough to ask a very worried Scout to call 911 and then call his Papa...which he does...and I'm grateful...
...the tingling continues to move in toward my core...and you know what I'm thinking...uh-oh...my diaphragm and heart are muscles too...what if they do this weird cramping thing too...
...this very sick place...is very new to me...and I see the concern on Scout's face...I hear him talk to his Papa and then relay the message that he's right behind the Paramedics and will be here in a minute...
...and it's true...in just a minute I hear them coming up the stairs...and then Man-Oh-Man am I the center of attention...I've got BP monitors...and little sticky things with wires listening to my heart...and O2 monitors...oh...because of the cramping thing...I'm now hyperventilating and my O2 is like 84...I can tell that the Paramedics don't like that...(and I'm thinking of my sweet nephew Rich...who does this for a living...and silently thanking all Paramedics everywhere)...and I get little oxygen tubes in my nose...I had on a sweater (of course)...and because of my twisted appendages they had a hard time removing it...which vaguely struck me as funny...(just vaguely - it was my Sawtelle)...
...so they get me loaded up on their trolley thing-y...and strapped in...and out the front door...where all my new neighbors are looking on with concern...I feel sort of bad for them too...just knowing they're worried about me...
...they have a neat little hydraulic lifter thingy to load me into the ambulance - this is by the way my first ambulance ride as a patient...I hear the words neurological...and brain stem...and they make their choice of which hospital to take me to and tell the Man to follow them...I'm still in a considerable amount of pain...like having Charlie Horses in every muscle in your body...
...then things get a lot nicer...because the nice Paramedic calls a doctor at the hospital and gets permission to give me an IV and some sort of muscle relaxant...the IV was tricky...as I've been told I'm a 'hard stick'...and we are moving down the highway at a good clip...but he is successful...and I feel much better...
...we arrive at the hospital...and Scout snaps a phone pic...from a lovely angle...but I'm smiling...happy to be there and not in pain...and with my lovies...
...I get put in a little room and doctors and nurses and lab technicians scurry about...they're all so kind...I get stuck a few more times...and the diagnosis is that I don't have enough Calcium in my body...WHAT!...I chew those little calcium chewy thingies...and I drink almond milk...which is supposed to have 50% more calcium than milk...and I take Vitamin D...how could that happen...
...they gave me a little baggie drip (I already had a big baggie...which I jokingly said was D5W - anyone remember Emergency - I loved that show in the 70's) of calcium...and sent me home...and that was all there was too it...I spent most of the day Sunday in bed...I got up a few times...checking to see if I could mostly...super sweet people from Church brought dinner in...and now today...I'm not back to normal...but certainly able to function...just a little bit weak...
...but the amazing thing about all of this was...that I was not worried...I mean...I got it...that I was very sick...but I was not afraid...I realized I might die...but I was really just not afraid...I was looking up at the (rather bright) lights inside the ambulance and listening to the Paramedics bandying about frightful words deciding which hospital to take me to...and I was just not at all scared...which was nice...I knew my peeps are in the car behind me and if I died...I knew that they know I love them...
...and I hope that when the time really does come for me to die that I feel the exact same way...and I hope you do too...
...well that's about as deep as it gets around here folks...
............................Peace be with you...
